Do you suffer from IPAD: Indoor Plant Addiction Disorder?

When did indoor plants become so popular? I don’t know the answer to this question, of course, but what I can tell you is that everyone seems utterly obsessed with greenery in their homes of late.

So when does a fondness for flora go from enthusiasm to insanity? Let me share some of the telltale signs you suffer from an affliction I call IPAD: Indoor plant addiction disorder.

Indoor jungle dreams. Picture: Erinna Giblin

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Your daily routine revolves around your plants

Forget a coffee when you wake up in the morning; the babies come first! A little drink for your most high-maintenance green beauties is high on the priority list. You’ve got so many plants, in fact, that a watering can simply won’t do.

As you shower in the morning, so do your plants. It’s the easiest way to water them and you at the same time. Although you’ve not started scrubbing their back in the hopes they’ll then scrub yours. Not yet, anyway.

They’re living creatures too. Picture: Erinna Giblin

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You’ve cancelled plans to tend to your plants

Girls nights out, footy games and pub crawls used to be fun, but your plant addiction has deemed these activities unnecessary. Who wants to deal with loud music in bars when you have a perfectly good Buxus Sempervirens Suffruticosa sitting outside your window you can talk to and gaze at?

The added bonus is that it thrives on listening to Nora Jones just like you do. It’s a bestie match made in heaven.

These babies don’t look after themselves. Picture: Erinna Giblin

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You know all of the scientific names for your plants

When friends and family come over, you’re inundated by stupidity as they refer to your prized green beauties by their street name. The nerve! Not only do you cringe when they refer to your lusciously supple Ficus Lyrata as a Fiddle Leaf Fig, but tensions then increase when they try and tell you how hard they are to grow. Mum, it’s time for you to leave the apartment immediately.

This is a Ficus Lyrata, or Fiddle Leaf fig in layman terms. Picture: Suzanne Cunningham

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You have multiple social media channels dedicated to plants

Instagram account dedicated to greenery: check. Youtube channel featuring endless videos of you showing off your latest plant purchases: check. A Tinder account containing a profile picture of a Mother-in-Law’s Tongue instead of your face: you’ve officially lost the plot! But at least you’ll attract someone eager to fertilise your soil, right?!

Andrew snaps beautiful pics of his green collection and features them on his popular Instagram account, @Cacthaus. Picture: Erinna Giblin

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You spend all your hard earned cash on greenery

You don’t bat an eyelid over spending hundreds of dollars each week on plants. The heart wants what the heart wants! So what if you’ve got 67 green beauties in the most gorgeous of pots scattered around your house? And so what if that means your food intake for the week has been restricted to two dollar pot noodles and baked beans straight out of the can? It’s a sacrifice you’re absolutely willing to make. YOLO right?

Money for rent or a new house plant? Picture: Erinna Giblin

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